My wedding was not a shotgun wedding, and I said those wedding vows of my own free will. The words were ringing in my ears: What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. I promise to love her until death do us apart. Love is a very complex emotion sometimes. It can give you so much happiness and so much disappointment. It can make you laugh and make you cry. It can rob you of sound judgment and cause you to end up staying in places no sane person would stay in.
At home that Sunday evening, she did apologize, but her apology didn’t match the offense. It’s one thing to say I’m sorry for raising my voice at you and asking for forgiveness. However, it’s a whole other ballgame to apologize for a physical assault and expect immediate forgiveness and reconciliation. The abuser always has a way of making you feel bad for not forgiving them quickly, especially when you are a Christian. Their favorite line is, “You’re supposed to forgive me because you’re a Christian.” Their other favorite line is, “You’re not perfect either.” I bought it hook, line, and sinker.
The joy that I felt on my wedding day had now been replaced with doubt, fear, false guilt, and an uncertain future, but I was still in love. I had no idea that the same love that has your heart skipping a beat can also enslave and trap you. I now know that a love that abuses the object of that love is not pure love. It may be love, but it’s twisted and wounded and should never be tolerated. Love should always set us free and never enslave us.